Why are my needs more important than the other person’s needs?
If my dating needs are to be contacted daily to feel connected and safe with the person I am dating, and the other person needs space to collect himself and gain his wits about him, how do you decide whose needs are more important? How do you consolidate these two, very different needs?
Is it simply a matter of lack of compatibility? Or does there need to be compromise on both parts?
Untitled op We Heart It http://weheartit.com/entry/86907644
Jealousy, Vulnerability, And Not Giving a Fuck
1. I gave Mr. Yamaha a second chance. After all the drama, I said “yes, I’ll give you another chance to make things right”.
2. All was well. He was making more of an effort and I was also trying to make myself more open and be okay with being vulnerable.
3. A seemingly innocent misunderstanding activated a bit of jealousy in me so I shared it with him in a rationale and non-confrontive way. He kissed me and assured me that all was well and that it has been a miscommunication. I felt courageous for sharing something as vulnerable as “being jealous”. This is not something I typically do. But I figured it was a good of time as any to open up. I like the guy, what can I say.
4. Suddenly, I start to feel a distancing between us. He pulls away and I haven’t heard from him in two days. I get irritated and am too proud to communicate first and I feel entitled to the communication because of my disclosures of being jealous. That was me being vulnerable and he fucked it all up.
5. I just want to punch him in the face and not give a fuck about him. I’m like UGH.
You either like me or you don’t. It took me twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don’t have that kinda time to convince somebody else.
--Daniel Franzese (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)
Two nights in a row, Mr. Yamaha and I have been having some really great conversations. Just opening up about stuff in a very non-threatening way. I feel really great about it. Really really great. But…there is a side of me that is freaking out. I don’t want to assume anything because of a fear of being let down. That’s the whole truth.
Mr. Yamaha: Second Chances
So…I’m giving Mr. Yamaha a second chance.
Last week I posted his series of idiotic text messages to me that upon further examination reflected a true apology.
He came over my house to do the apology in person and indicated wanting to start things fresh.
I’ve decided, intuitively, that it seems like a good idea. I feel like this really might be a legitimate attempt to working on things from his side and to really pursue me, in a different, more honest way (aka less games).
I’ve also realized that I have played a role in how things turned out between us. I’m trying to break my own patterns because I can’t ask him to do so without doing so myself. He’s opened up about his insecurities so I’m going to try to do the same.
I told him that it’s going to take time for me to trust him.And I told him that he’s on probation until further notice.
Texting Conversation with Mr. Yamaha:
Mr. Yamaha:Hey! So when do you leave for Argentina?
Me:Hey...First two weeks of the new year. How are you?
Mr. Yamaha:Good! But do you think you can come pick me up from (insert local bar)? I'm drunk x]
Mr. Yamaha:Jk, come hang out with me. I wanna see you.
Me:Um, Mr Y, I'm working until 8:30pm tonight and plus, I thought you had established that I was "too much" or "too analytical", or something like that. Right?
Mr. Yamaha:I didn't say you were too much. Plus, a little analysis could do me good. How about you call me when you're out of work? I'll be at a friends' b-day party right down the street from your house.
Me:If you want to talk, I'll be home around 9ish.
Mr. Yamaha:Sounds good, would you want to come to the party with me?
Me:You told me you didn't think you could date someone like me (someone who judges him based on "one little thing he said" aka him calling me crazy). I said I couldn't date someone who doesn't reply to my texts for weeks when they get upset. This all still stands true. I want to be cool with you but you're being bipolar with your words. I'm like -_- (That's my annoyed face.)
Me:Any yes, I always say exactly what I'm feeling and thinking and I don't let things slide. But I'm always open to being called on my shit too.
Mr. Yamaha:Um, I said what I said, I can't take that back. However, I'd like to start fresh with you. I think we can talk this through tonight.
So Mr. Salvador, the guy I met this past weekend (read about it here), has not contacted me since asking for my number. It’s been a few days (3.5 to be exact, but hey! whose keeping track?!). But alas, he has not contacted me and I’m taking it as either:
a. he’s dating someone else
b. he’s just not that into me
c. his phone fell down a well and has no way of retrieving it or contacting me
I’m totally thinking c is the answer but who knows. I kid. I’m just accepting that there was a lack of interest. Better to know now rather than later, right?
Sometimes you meet a person and you just click—you’re comfortable with them, like you’ve known them your whole life, and you don’t have to pretend to be anyone or anything.
--Alexandra Adornetto (via outcamethesun)