When I Stopped Dating
I’ve been asked by a couple followers where I get my confidence from when it comes to dating. I’m definitely not perfect when it comes to this stuff. We all have our not-so-great days, especially me. But I promised a post about this a couple weeks back. I will admit that it was hard to write this piece but it comes from the heart. This was my little journey to finding a tiny bit of confidence.
Not too long ago, I would have called myself a serial dater. I would date man after man, with no breaks in between. I don’t believe that everyone needs a break, persay. But on some level you need some space to process what you just went through, what you learned, and what you really want.
And if I’m truly honest with myself, I just had a problem with being alone. I couldn’t bare it. I needed to be romantically involved with someone because “I knew I needed to find love”. That was my excuse. I would tell myself “The purpose of life is to find love and if I’m not searching for it, what’s the point”.
Boy was I wrong. There are so many purposes to life and while love may be one of them for some people, it’s not for everyone. We’re not degrading love here, I’m just saying that there is a lot of ways to get that love other than romantic relationships.
Anyway…Normally after a break up I would feel defeated, low, and have no self esteem left. I allowed myself to beat myself up. My friends used to tell me “take a break from dating” but I NEVER listened. I’d go on to the next dude and it would end even worse than the last.
Finally one day, it all clicked. I decided that I obviously could not expect to get different results if I kept doing the same thing, over and over again. I decided for myself OKAY no dating for 4 months. Why four months, you ask? Well, I just couldn’t fathom a full six months. It seemed too crazy, too long…to absurd to stop my quest for true love. But little did I know, that it was really what I needed most.
So for 4 months I turned down dates, didn’t give anyone my number and actively made sure I did NOT date. I even tried to just stop flirting, which I feel is natural in my personality. At first it was easy because no one would even approach me. They could probably smell the desperation, but then as time passed I would find myself actively avoiding flirting and dates…
And something changed. I started seeing myself for ME, and not just as this lost soul searching for her other half. I was able to see and feel for myself that I was going to be okay alone and that I could actually be single and happy. It was hard at first but finally it settled in and I learned to appease myself and be happy alone. And I think that it was one of my most valuable lessons I have ever learned.
Furthermore, now that I KNOW that I don’t need man in my life, I am happier, more content and NEVER put up with a anyone’s shit. This means that when I finally settle down with someone, it will be because we both can make each other happier being that we were already happy and content on our own, to start with.